Guess who kicked herself in the shin this morning in yoga class?
I’m not talking about bumping my shin, y’all. I mean kicked my own shin with the same force you’d use to kick a rapist in the testicles (after screaming “I DON’T KNOW YOU! THAT’S MY PURSE!” of course).
This I managed to do in front of six other people.
At 6:00 in the morning*.
So while everyone else was saluting the sun, Kelly was curled up in a little ball on her yoga mat, whispering a litany of profanities that would make a dock worker blush with shame.
How did this happen?
This is how:
Clearly, nipple rings are the secret to success here.
(Despite the use of the word “nipple” in the preceding sentence, I assure you this video is completely safe for work.)
I have come to accept that wherever I go and whatever I do, I WILL make an ass of myself at least once, and usually within the first hour. I went to class today knowing the inevitable awkward moment would happen, and when it did, despite the fact that I was in excruciating pain, I was relieved it was over so I could move on.
I think that’s what they call “inner peace.”
Your Zen
Kel
*Why on God’s green Earth was I doing yoga at 6:00 in the morning in the first place? Because that is literally the only free time I have when a) a yoga class is offered and b) someone can watch the babe. I asked my mom, who babysits her for me on Wednesday afternoons, to stay an hour later so I could take a class at 4:00 p.m., and she was cool with that, but my dad, who is normally extremely supportive of this sort of endeavor, was apoplectic when he realized he would have to eat dinner an hour later on Wednesdays. Fatherly encouragement only goes so far, it would seem, when pot roast is at stake.
Hey girl, at least you’re out doing it! You know what that means in my book of exercise.
For the newest release of Body Flow, they use the Lykke Li song, “Get Some” for the sun salutations. But instead of saying “I’m your prostitute, you’re gonna get some,” They just say, “You gonna get some,” twice. That typically happens when we’re downward dogging it and it just seems naughty on all accounts.
I hope your shin feels better
Ha! Down dog is just sort of inherently dirty, isn’t it? When The Guy sees me do it, his eyes light up and he’s all like “Heeeeeyyy!”
I really liked this class because the instructor plays good music that’s still sort of conducive to meditation but that’s not just sitars and crap.
I’m assuming your next step is to show up in pads… shin pads, elbow pads, knee pads, and of course, a helmet. Robo-Yoga!
Bluz, I’m sometimes honestly surprised that it’s not mandated that I wear a helmet at all times no matter what I’m doing.
I’m actually surprised that they are doing that challenging of a move in your yoga class. Kudos!
I was only recently able to master the crow!
Well, no one in the class – with the possible exception of the instructor – is anywhere NEAR that proficient at floating, but most everyone (except me, of course) can hop from down dog to a seated position at the front of the mat with varying levels of skill.
I seem to have trouble remembering that since I had Ratty, my stamina and upper body strength DONE GONE. But I’m working on it! Hence the yoga.
Um, this is me practicing over the weekend. A LOT.
Crow is no joke! When I was doing yoga literally every single day for months, I could get into a very clumsy version Crow every once in a great while. So that’s awesome!
That video tutorial looks like a one-way ticket to Face-Plant, No-Front-Teeth-ville.
Sorry to hear bout your shin…ouch!
Oh yes. There are some yoga poses that are best practiced with a pillow in front of your face. TAKE IT FROM ONE WHO KNOWS.
Roger and I have had a lot of fun trying the crow in the living room, with the kids watching. Usually, it ends with someone getting a face plant. Sorry about your shin!
What do you want to bet that when the L-Man’s a bit older, he can hit Crow pose on the very first try?
It’s been so long since I commented here that all of my information was erased from the comment form! Your fault!
I’m sorry for your injury, and I’m sorry that I actually watched that video of Captain Nipplering, but I’d just like to mention that Tracey bought me Just Dance 3 for the Wii for Christmas and that I’ve been playing it in the mornings for the past two weeks and that Kamran wakes up at 6 with me but then sits on the bed and watches me dance while he’s supposed to be studying for the California Bar. And then he tells me what a bad dancer I am. I only wish The Guy was going to your yoga classes with you and sitting in the corner.
Way to go, though, actually going!
“Captain Nipplering.” You win the comments.
Oh, and I promise to start blogging and answering comments and commenting on other people’s blogs and all other things bloggy (somewhat) more regularly now that I’m (sort of) getting the hang of this “working mother” business.
I always thought bitches just be whinin’ when they complained about how hard it is. But turns out they weren’t exaggerating! It really does suck every bit as much as they say! But I really like my job AND my baby, so I guess I’ll just have to deal. And get used to constantly hearing Benny Hill music in my head every day (as my friend Angela put it) between the hours of 8:00 and 5:00.
There is yoga at 6:00 a.m.? I might could do that. Message me the info.
Will do! Being awkward is way more fun when someone you know is present for it. Then you can relive it together! FOREVER.
I am impressed with your work, mom, yoga triumverate. In another three years I expect you’ll be running the world.
Or at least running the psych ward!
Now that you mention it, I’m not entirely sure how I’ve managed to attempt that move unscathed. Then again, by “attempt” I mean jump my feet behind my arms and flop down on my butt. I’m pretty sure everyone in my yoga class is silently laughing at me when I try to do any kind of balancing pose whatsoever.
I am so impressed you even attempted this move, and at 6am no less. Sorry your shin had to suffer though!
I know what you mean about coming to a place of zen that you’re going to embarrass yourself – sadly I can’t say that I can breathe a sigh of relief once it’s happened, because I tend to make the same mistakes several times. Yikes. Still – I embrace this about myself. It’s either that or cry – and that is how I find my “inner peace”.
You had me at “I don’t know you, that’s my purse!”
I haven’t been very bloggy lately, either. I miss it. I need to fix that. Like, immediately.
Would it make you feel better if you knew that I’ve never even *attempted* anything yoga-like… ever? And don’t plan to? No? Ah, well. Sorry ’bout the shin. Ouch.