I had no intentions of blogging today – like any good procrastinator, I planned to put it off until tomorrow – but last night, I watched something so compelling, so perspective-altering that I literally couldn’t wait to tell you about it:
I’ve wanted to watch it for a while, and last night, I saw that it was streaming on Netflix and figured there was no time like the present.
I know I’m probably going to take a lot of crap for what I’m about to say, but what else is new, right? So here goes:
I want a natural childbirth.
And I have since long before I got pregnant.
Given that I want to do everything else concerning this baby as naturally as possible (e.g., breastfeeding, cloth-diapering, babywearing, baby-led weaning), it only makes sense that I would want to give birth naturally too, doesn’t it? But until now, I’ve been afraid to say so. Almost every single person to whom I’ve brought up this possibility (and there haven’t been many, believe me) has made me feel like a straight-up moron for even CONSIDERING giving birth without being numb from the waist down.
Now, before I go any further, I want to make one thing absolutely clear: How, when and where to give birth are among the most personal decisions a mother will ever make. In my opinion, no method is superior. The vast majority of the time, all safe, modern birth methods end with a healthy mother and baby, and that’s by far the most important thing. What I’m saying here today is that natural childbirth is not inferior, but a lot of times, the people who choose it (especially in places like Shreveport, LA) are ridiculed and scorned as being idealistic at best and feminists who just want bragging rights at worst.
In fact, that’s exactly how The Guy felt. The Guy, who is unfailingly and wholeheartedly supportive of just about every single ill-conceived and harebrained idea that pops into my head, nevertheless thought very much like the majority of America does: In the year 2011, there is absolutely no reason to give birth without drugs except to boast about it later. Every time I brought up the subject, that’s what he would say: “Whatever, but you can’t brag about it afterwards.” No matter how many statistics or experts I quoted, I couldn’t make him understand that there are valid reasons to give birth naturally.
And I’m not going to list all them of here. The movie does a much better job than I ever could of stating them eloquently and succinctly. But here are a few points that struck me (and some I didn’t know before):
1. The U.S. has the second-highest maternal and infant mortality rate of any industrialized nation.
2. In 2005, one in four women gave birth via cesarean section (which is made by the medical establishment to sound as simple as getting a deviated septum fixed but is actually MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY).
3. Pitocin-induced contractions (pitocin is the drug most commonly used to induce labor) are much longer and more intense than natural contractions. Almost no one can stand the pain of childbirth without drugs after receiving an IV drip of pitocin.
4. In Europe and Japan, most babies are delivered via midwife.
5. In New York City, the average hospital birth costs $13,000; the average midwife charges $4,000 for a home birth.
After finishing the movie, The Guy turned to me, tears in his eyes, and said, “OK, I’m sold. I got your back on this one. You can totally do this.”
What did he mean by that last part? As I explained to him about halfway through the movie, I did not (until today) know one single person in real life who has given birth naturally. Everything I know about the subject, I’ve read in books and on blogs. I didn’t have any real people (besides the doctor, of course) who could answer questions, who could give me any clue about whether or not I am actually capable of this. But after watching, I know I’m capable of it. I think any of us are.
But in this country, women are taught to fear the childbirth process. Everyone, from our mothers to our doctors, tells us that it’s nothing short of a sojourn into hell. But what they don’t say – and what many of them simply don’t know – is that there are mitigating factors in the modern childbirth industry (and make no mistake, it IS an industry) that make it a lot more unpleasant than it has to be.
For instance, did you know that the absolute worst, most inefficient way to labor is on your back with your feet in the air? It’s much more convenient for the doctor, but it’s TERRIBLE for the mother. It actually slows down labor. The best way to labor is vertically, either standing or squatting, which is, of course, impossible if you’ve had an epidural.
Again, I’m NOT preaching that natural childbirth is the way, the truth and the light. What I’m getting at here is that a lot of women – particularly the less educated – don’t know that. There’s an inherent trade-off: You can give birth naturally and your labor might progress faster, but you’re going to be in a world of pain at some points. Or you can give birth comfortably with an epidural, but your labor might go slower, and babies sometimes suffer distress during particularly long labors.
It’s really not informed consent if you’re not informed of these things!
After the movie, The Guy and I stayed up until an ungodly hour (seriously, given that we both had to work this morning, YOU DO NOT EVEN WANT TO KNOW how ridiculously late we went to bed) doing research, writing a preliminary draft of our birth plan and making a list of questions for our doctor.
Doing that, we had to face the possibility that, despite our best intentions and preparations, all may not go according to plan. We’ve both lived long enough to know that it probably won’t. Even the most hard-core midwives freely admit that c-sections are still absolutely necessary sometimes. In fact, the last woman to give birth in the movie had planned a natural home birth, but early in her labor, her midwife ended up sending her to the hospital for a c-section because the baby was breech and they couldn’t get him to turn. That could very well happen to us, too, and we’re OK with that. We agreed last night that the point is not “get a return on our $19.95 investment in a birthing ball and show everybody in L&D what smug little crunchy-granola elitists we are”; the point is “have a healthy daughter and leave the hospital satisfied that we both did everything we could to have her on our own terms, according to our principles and as naturally as possible.”
And there is very much an “us” in the process. I’ll be the one actually delivering Harper, of course, but The Guy now realizes his job will be…well, everything else. I am by no means a badass, and I certainly do not have a higher-than-normal pain tolerance; he will have to continually remind me why we’re doing this and that yes, I CAN do it. It’s likely the nurses will just want to get this show on the road and go home; he’ll have to fend off them and their pitocin. (Item number one on our birth plan? “NO PITOCIN WHATSOEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES OR I WILL DONKEY-KICK SOMEONE IN THE GENITALS.”) He’ll be the one who looks like an idiot carrying a giant blue birthing ball into the hospital.
Speaking of hospitals, yes, I am definitely giving birth in one. Because of my age, I doubt anyone (doctor OR midwife) would let me have a home birth, and I don’t want one anyway. Ideally, I’d like to have Harper in a birthing center, but there isn’t one in Shreveport (the closest one we’ve found is in Marshall, TX). We are not using a midwife. We love our doctor, and she has promised to support anything we want to do as long as it’s responsible.
The movie also presented some ideas with which I definitely do NOT agree. A French obstetrician postulates that mothers who do not experience a rush of oxytocin (the hormone that, among other things, stimulates labor) during natural labor (i.e., a non-pitocin-induced childbirth) cannot bond with their babies. The Guy is adopted, and he’s about as bonded to his parents as a child can possibly be. Obviously, no surge of oxytocin in his mother facilitated that bond. As people who plan to adopt children, we are well aware that bonding has to be a much more intentional process sometimes, like when you are not the child’s biological parents or when you give birth via c-section. But to imply that bonding is all but impossible unless you give birth to your baby vaginally and naturally is not only wrong, it’s just plain stupid.
So now let’s hear from some real-life folks: If you’ve ever given birth, how did you do it? Was it the experience you wanted? Anything you’d do differently?
If you haven’t had a baby, how would you do it if you had to decide today? Why?
Your birthing-ball-bouncing
Kel
You are completely entitled to have a natural birth. I’m sorry if I’ve been one of those to make you feel bad about it. I had no idea you wanted one! So I haven’t done so intentionally, I just knew that there is no way I would have done it. But more power to you.
That being said, it’s easy to say you absolutely won’t do something, like pitocin. That is until your baby is a week over due with no signs of coming out and your options are pitocin or c-section. I opted for pitocin. Yes it hurt like a MF at 2 centimeters, so I also opted for the epidural. My labor was only 6 hours and I had no trouble pushing when it came time. I could still feel the pressure of the contractions without any pain.
I actually had the opposite problem. When I said I wanted an epidural, no question, I had a doula and a few other people try to make me feel bad about it. Sorry, but they weren’t the ones having the baby.
As far as my experience went, my nurse was fantastic. Anything I wanted to do they were game for as long as it didn’t hurt me or the baby. My labor and delivery were not the hellish experience I built up in my mind. In fact, it was amazing and more relaxed than I ever thought possible.
And that not bonding with a baby because of c-section is a load of bull. I’ve known lots of mamas who are absolutely doting and amazing who have had c-sections.
No, you’re absolutely right. And of course I agree. A better way to put that would be “no pitocin whatsoever under any circumstances or I will donkey-kick someone in the genitals UNLESS all other options have been exhausted and Dr. Geneux gives me a valid medical reason for using it.” Hell, I’d let them shoot me up with boric acid if it would save Harper’s life or something.
I just realized during the movie last night that the whole time I’ve been pregnant, I’ve been doing all this stuff to prepare for a natural childbirth, yet I was ashamed to tell anyone that’s what I was doing! The flip side of freedom of choice is OWNING your choice, and I was not doing that before. And that’s my own fault!
We had Amelia in the hospital and had to do a section because she was breach…and we found out why later. I have a bi-cornuate uterus and essentially my uterus is divided into 2 halves, So because she was stuck in one side, she simply did not have enough room to turn around. We lost the 2nd baby at 19 weeks due to this darn uterus BUT as you know are happily pregnant and baby is all well and good on the same side Amelia was on. Unfortunately, we do not have the choice whether we want to have a natural birth or not because the risks so we will have to have another section probably around 37-39 weeks (hoping the later of 39) determined by the dr. So I honestly don’t know if I would conceive naturally if the circumstances were different…a part of me says yes but a part of me says um no sign me up for an epidural pronto. I truly admire your decision and I say do not let anyone tell you you’re crazy for choosing it. Because it is just that….YOUR CHOICE! (and Blake’s too bc he has to deal with your screaming ass lol). You can do this and I say go for it!
much love!
Poor The Guy. I think, when it’s all said and done, we’ll agree that he’s the one who drew the short end of the birthin’ stick!
Good for you! I have a lot of admiration for women who can do it – or even attempt it because my name is Chicken. I do not like pain and I do not tolerate pain well. I did do an epidural – back to the chicken thing – but I swear it wore off with #1. I felt A LOT, but didn’t with #2 so I think that wasn’t how it was “supposed” to feel. So, the moral to that story is that even if you loaded yourself up with those chemicals, it may not work
And, I am exactly the same on the c-section thing. I threatened my mid-wife. Neither of mine were born that way. I did use a CNM at the hospital, but the drs in my practice (all 12 of them) are a lot less personable than the mid-wives. I think it’s whoever you are more comfortable with regardless of the letters after their name
I had a really crappy nurse with my first delivery (granted, it was 2 AM, but still). I was told when I was pregnant with #2 that if I had that problem at anytime I could request another one. My second go round had the BEST nurses so I didn’t have to. Just keep that in mind because I think the people you surround yourself during that time will shade your memories of it.
Good luck, girl! Harper is one lucky girl to have a mommy like you.
I am PRAYING we get good nurses. Everyone says they make a huge difference in your labor experience.
I never thought about the fact that an epidural might not WORK! YIKES.
You know I had three babies and that all of them were via hospital, pitocin and epidurals.
Claire had to have pitocin because my water broke and I wasn’t in labor. I had not a single contraction and if you weren’t aware, once your water breaks it’s game over. You have 24 hours to deliver the baby before it becomes a health risk. I waited out those contractions, determined that I wouldn’t have an epidural, but when I was checked and only 4 cm after HOURS of hard labor, I gave in. Plus, she was having late decels and had to deliver soon otherwise I’d risk having a dead baby.I gave birth to her only an hour later. The pain was so intense that I couldn’t relax enough to let myself dilate and once I did, boy did I ever. However, my epidural was very light and I felt every rip, tear and stitch.
With Luca, I knew the drill and wasn’t thrilled. Plus my inlaws were there. Joy. I got my epidural happily. Mostly because everyone except for Matt had to leave the room while I got it. 20 minutes of quiet never sounded so good. I had Luca one hour after that epidural, too.
With Mae I said fuck it. (sorry for the swearing) If you remember, I had that HORRIBLE sinus infection, hadn’t slept in weeks and was in no mood for any more pain. My anesthesiologist was a saint. SAINT.
But, what I never told other people was that I was planning on doing Maelie au natural. But I couldn’t. I just mentally wasn’t there. I really wanted to be. I really, really did. So I’m envious of the fact that you’re doing it. And I’m super proud. When I said that you don’t win a prize for birthing your baby, I didn’t mean that smugly. I meant it just as that. C-section, pitocin or natural, you get a baby. And yes, there are a lot of things wrong with America and how they allow women to birth babies, but it’s also the women who aren’t vocal enough to make it happen the way they want. All too often women forget that they HIRED their doctor, they can FIRE them, too. If your doc doesn’t believe what you believe then it’s not worth it. If you’re feeling pressured to do something you’re not comfortable with, then you shouldn’t be going that route. It’s all about personal responsibility when it comes to those type of things.
That said, I’m glad I had the births I had. My epidurals were 90% worn off with each birth, which made it more powerful and that adrenaline rush is what’s up. I didn’t lie on my back, and that’s really not common here (up north.) I had to sit up holding my feet and pulled my knees to the sides of my chest. My doctor, whom I trust wholly, said that if I didn’t do it that way, the baby could be at risk and I’d tear up the ass…literally. (My doctor also had 4 babies, two of which were twins, all natural. She gets it.)
Birthing the baby is only 1/1000000th of the baby process. It’s a super important process that needs to be well thought out. But I’m done. It’s only a faint memory and I don’t regret a thing. And if that’s how you feel on the otherside, then you did it all right, Kel.
We “fired” our first OB. He was HORRIBLE. Like, I would ask a question, and he would just keep talking like I hadn’t said anything at all. Plus he directed everything at The Guy, which, as you might imagine, is a HUGE NO-NO.
Our doctor had twins too! And I am not at ALL ashamed to say that if I were having multiples, I might be whistlin’ a different tune when it comes to epidurals.
At first, I thought you were talking about this amazing book, which I found on clearance while working at B&N and had to buy because of all of my child-hate.
I find it so awful that you feel like you have to apologize for wanting a natural childbirth! Maybe I’ve just been reading too much of Noel’s blog, but I thought a lot (most?) mothers went into it expecting to have a natural childbirth and then only changed their minds when they had to or when it become too painful.
WEIRD!! Why do we love to judge people so much?
Not me! I love drugs. A lot.
I asked for the epidural when I checked in to be induced. I asked if I could have it before they started the pitocin. haha
I mean, it’s not really possible to read too much of my blog, right? Just checking…
I think it’s this fallacy that if someone does something differently from how you did it, then they’re automatically saying you did it WRONG.
Also, I think some women don’t put a lot of thought into the birth process – like, who cares if, at the end of the day, you have a baby? And while that’s totally valid to a certain extent, they resent people who DO go about it very intentionally.
Or at least that’s my dimestore analysis of the subject, so take it for what it’s worth.
It is a hard decision. With my first one I thought I wanted to do natural until she was TWO weeks overdue. Then, in my 23th hour of induced labor I was begging for an epidural. My total labor ended up being 31 hours. Looking back, I seriously think she was trying to stay inside me forever…lol.
But joking aside, I have learned that you really don’t know what to expect until you are there. I am curious now that my due date is getting closer as to how this labor is going to be. Will it be easier because my body has done this before or will it be worse because it has been 15 years since my body has done this and I’m older?
Either way, however your delivery goes it will be the most special, unique experience you will ever have. I am so happy for you guys!!!! This is such an exciting time.
Thirty-one hours?
I just passed out.
Dude, you deserve a medal. And your own holiday. And a personal man-servant for the rest of your life.
Well, I’m sure you read my birth story posted on LJ a while back, so you know that I went the medicated route. I knew from day one that I wanted it that way. I told them I wanted the epidural from the waist up! haha
My opinion is this… FOR ME ONLY, I felt it would be dumb to go through the pain unnecessarily (again, FOR ME). We have all these medical options available to us, so why deal with the pain? I wouldn’t have an unmedicated appendectomy, or get a cavity filled without Novocaine, so… Anyway, for me, that’s how I felt. Other women who want to do it natural? Whatever. It’s your body!
The only arguments I have with that movie/documentary, is a couple of their statements – like that every woman CAN do it naturally. Well of course, we CAN. I mean, just about everyone can be tied to a table and have their leg sawed off by a chainsaw, and live through the experience (as long as they are saved from bleeding to death, obviously!), but is it something you’d WANT to live through? That’s the question. The human body in general is very resilient. Of course women can live through the pain. But that isn’t really a question, even though they make it seem that way.
And to say that we have the 2nd worst maternal death rate of any industrialized nation, is a little far-fetched. It doesn’t mean that our women die in childbirth more – that number is pulled from every pregnant woman, period. So, high risk pregnancies fall into that category, including high rates of multiples since we do so much IVF here in the states, as well as having a higher population of older moms getting pregnant. Did the movie make it seem that the death rate was from actually giving birth? That just doesn’t jive. I’ll need to do some more research.
As for the people that say the drugs interrupt bonding, or make the baby sluggish or slow to latch on, or whatever else they can come up with to make medicated laboring look bad, I just say, my baby was wide awake and pissed when he came out, latched on within 15 minutes of being born, breastfed (and still does!) like a champ, and I bonded with him immediately. So…
To each his (or in this case HER!) own!
I truly hope that you do it though, since it seems that you want to so badly. And really, that’s what it’s all about – what you want for yourself and your baby. If it works for you, then screw what everyone else says! I wish you the very best in doing it! I felt the contractions at their worst, and really, it wasn’t that bad. FOR ME. But I still wanted the epidural.
Also, I wanted to clear up that the contractions I actually felt up to the point where I got my epidural, were when I was 8 centimeters dilated, and I dilated fully within half an hour after that point, so I’m guessing the contractions I felt were pretty darn horrible, and again, they weren’t that bad.
If it makes you feel any less nervous… I’d do it again tomorrow in a heartbeat. That’s how great my labor was.
My pregnancy, too! But that’s another story.
See, there’s this part of the movie where this one midwife is talking about how natural childbirth is empowering to a woman in a way that other birth methods aren’t. And while I’m sure NCB is empowering in a unique way, I think having the birth experiences they want – medicated, unmedicated, surgical, etc. – is what makes women feel empowered.
I found it!
Statistics on maternal death rates. No wonder I’ve never heard of anyone dying in childbirth. 8 per every 100,000 births. Seems like the documentary slanted those statistics a teensy bit.
http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/hea_mat_mor-health-maternal-mortality
Between our country and the #1 best country, there is only a difference of .007 percent. Not to mention, we are pretty close to being at the top of the list overall in LOW maternal death rate.
That said, I still liked the documentary.
Now to find the infant mortality rates…
Now THAT makes a lot of sense.
Ok, found that one too. Although, not on the same site as before. That site listed the stats, but didn’t include the US for some reason. So I found it on the CIA’s website. This includes all babies under 1 year –
https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/rankorder/2091rank.html
Here is info on why we rank somewhat “high” on the list:
“Problems of definition and measurement, however, hamper cross-national comparisons of health statistics. Alternative measures of infant mortality may provide better information but cannot completely compensate for differences among countries in the overall rates of reporting of adverse pregnancy outcomes. For example, very premature births are more likely to be included in birth and mortality statistics in the United States than in several other industrialized countries that have lower infant mortality rates.”
“In countries where physicians are more aggressive about attempting to resuscitate very premature newborns–of which the United States is probably the leading example—extremely small neonates are more likely to be classified as live births than in countries with less aggressive resuscitation policies.”
You can find it all here: http://www.cbo.gov/doc.cfm?index=6219&type=0
In summary: One of the leading causes of infant mortality in the U.S. is “disorders related to short gestation and low birth weight.” In the US, doctors are able to deliver and try to save babies with incredibly low birth weights. (According to the hospital where I gave birth, their policy is that resuscitation will be attempted on babies who are born at least 24 weeks gestation. 24 weeks!) In most other countries, extremely premature babies are not recorded as live births and thus do not contribute to their infant mortality rate.
See, that makes sense too – very premature babies are more likely to live if they’re born in the U.S., but we probably classify some as infant deaths, where other countries would call them miscarriages or stillbirths.
I hope with every fiber of my being that you can have the natural childbirth you so desire. However, if for some reason, you change your mind about it during the process, you can rest assured that in all likelihood, you will have a healthy baby and you will be fine, too.
I applaud you for coming out!!I’ve known all along that you would be trying your darndest to have the most natural child birth you could without inviting everyone to the pool in your living room!
I had an epidural both times, and I only regret the second one! With LB#1 my water broke and had a brown tinge — she was a “meconium stained baby” and the doctor wanted to prolong my delivery to see if they could flush out anything she may have ingested. Being that she is 15 and still full of sh*t — they must not have gotten it all! My labor lasted 21 hours and I delivered a healthy baby girl!
With LB#2, I just wanted to walk around until she fell out, but they wouldn’t let me. The contractions were intense and I felt if I could just walk around, things would feel better. after about 5 hours of hard contractions – none of which were at any regulated time, I finally got the epidural. I still felt my water break about 5 minutes before she arrived. The reasons I regret having the drugs were the after effects that I still have to this day Migraines and periodic numbness from my left knee to my toes.
I know several people who have had natural child birth, some out of no other choice and some because that’s what they wanted to do. My mother had me completely natural in the hospital. My friend Danielle had her first baby in the study at her house delivered by the Bossier Fire Department! My husband has delivered a baby on the side of the road in the back of an ambulance. There is no set way to have a baby in my opinion, just do it the way you feel is best for you. If the time comes and things need to change, you will know what’s best for you and Harper and make your decisions accordingly!
I have faith in you and Mr. Bachelor Girl! You CAN do this! I’ll be cheering you both on!!!
See, those are the women I feel sorry for, the ones who have natural childbirths and weren’t planning on it! At least I have four and a half more months to psych myself up! And trust me, I’m going to need EVERY LAST MINUTE of them.
First off, I lOVE this: “How, when and where to give birth are among the most personal decisions a mother will ever make.” And would only add ‘and who is present during labor and birth’. Some people, although well-meaning, feel entitled to the priviledge of being present at such a VERY personal event.
Now, I’m a baby/birthing virgin, so my two-cents is worth just that, but I have wanted to have a natural birth since a dear friend told me about hers almost ten years ago. I fell in love with the idea of experiencing the whole process minus any drug-induced haziness. I too have had people tell me I’m crazy and wouldn’t be able to handle it, but that really only makes my convictions stronger. Of course, I could be wrong and after experiencing one contraction beg for all available drugs STAT!
Oh, and you should definitely brag about it as an accomplishment, because by talking about it you can empower and educate other women!
P.S. Good luck to you both!
Monica, that’s exactly what The Guy says: That if we are successful in having a totally natural childbirth, then we have to tell other people about it and advocate it. Which is great and all but HILARIOUS since his earlier attitude was the exact opposite!
With Alexa I was admitted to the hospital already 5 centimeters dilated with very weak contractions. I had been dilating over the course of a couple of weeks and the on again off again labor was getting kind of old. I was given pitocin to increase the contractions because at the rate I was going, I would have been in labor for like weeks. It didn’t take much pitocin and I did get an epidural. And despite the entire media team (Alexa was to be born live on Good Morning America, but that’s another story), my labor and delivery was very calm and peaceful. With Emma, not so much. I dilated to 3 centimeters and at my regular doc’s visit I was told that I needed to have my membranes stripped. IT WAS AWFUL AND HAD I BEEN MORE EDUCATED I WOULD HAVE NEVER LET IT HAPPEN. I was using a different doctor, and I just assumed that all ob/gyns are as awesome as the one I had with Alexa. Emma’s entire labor/birth experience was awful. I was admitted to the hospital later that night, my epidural had to be done twice because the 1st time they went into a blood vessel, she and I both went into major cardiac distress. It was horrible, scary and manic. So, I decided with Jackson that I would attempt a natural birth because I didn’t want to go thru the epidural horror I went thru with Emma. Unfortunately, Jack had other plans. I went into labor at barely 32 weeks with him. I was admitted to the hospital in Tyler and given what I can only say is the equivalent of Satan thru an IV (brethine and magnesium sulfate) to stop the labor. It was determined that I needed to be transported to Plano by ambulance because it didn’t look like Jackson was going to cooperate. Once in Plano, I begin to have major complications from the medication so we decided to stop stopping labor and let nature run its course. I had the most wonderful doctor that explained the pros and cons and gave me options. It was very scary. Once the medication was stopped to stop the labor, I stopped laboring…go figure. Unfortunately, not long afterwards my water broke and I had to be induced to avoid infection. We spent 2 days trying to stop labor and then had to induce it. By that time, I was completely worn out and sick. My tolerance for pain or anything for that matter was gone. I decided to get an epidural. Big mistake. Big. Again, the epidural had to be put in twice because the first time they went in I immediately got the most excruciating headache of my life. They had punctured my dura mater. I had to have a blood patch. That’s when they take blood out of your arm and put in into your epidural to close the hole. Anyway, the epidural never worked and I basically delivered a 4 lb baby naturally. I think whatever you feel is best for your mental and physical well-being is what you should choose. As long as you and baby are safe, I say deliver however and in whatever position you choose. The doctor and hospital staff will play a big role. Be sure to visit the hospital that you are delivering at and ask lots of questions…and don’t ever be afraid of or ashamed of saying “GIVE ME THE GOOD STUFF NOWWW!!!!!”
Hey Leslie – I didn’t know you were a reader of Kel’s!
Please tell the story of why Alexa was going to be born on Good Morning America!
Andrea
Dr. Zepeda in Houston, TX was my ob/gyn. He was somehow connected with Diane Sawyer. Good Morning America decided to show live births. Dr. Zepeda and Methodist Hospital was chosen as one of the docs and hospitals where the births were to be taped. They were going to be airing them on Tuesday, Feb. 6th. Dr. Zepeda approached me about a week before and said that I was a really good candidate because of how I was progressing and that more than likely if I hadn’t delivered by Monday the 5th, he was going to induce me. ABC news came out to the house and did a lot of interviewing and filming for background info. I went to the doc Monday morning, and he decided to admit me that afternoon. When I arrived at the hospital the film crew was waiting on me. They had cameras set up in the delivery room and they came in and out several times to film. They were very respectful as well as the placement of the cameras. In order to be live on GMA, Alexa needed to be born between 5 & 6 AM. She came about an hour too early so she didn’t make the show. Because of all the publicity though, the hospital stationed a police officer outside of my room the whole time we were there. ABC was really sweet and sent us a huge basket of fruit, goodies and flowers. They also sent us a tape of all the video they had shot. It was like the best birth video you could ask for. Unfortunately, it among a lot of other stuff was destroyed in a flood when tropical storm Allison hit us. It was fun though. Here’s a link to an article about the show http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=127285&page=1
How awesome! Too bad the tape was destroyed. That’s really cool, though, that ABC was so nice.
Oh my God! That’s AWFUL. Emma’s birth experience sounds horrible, and I have heard that magnesium sulfate is absolutely Of the Devil.
Dr. Brandi tells me that, done properly, stripping one’s membranes really shouldn’t cause any more than mild discomfort and some very light spotting, so I’m sorry yours hurt so much!
I tried natural but had complications with #1, so I wound up with pitocin and epidural.
I thought things would go more easily with #2 and in a way they did, but I still got stuck at 4 cm, so epidural and pitocin.
Were I to have a third? I’d probably wind up doing the same thing. I have little need to go natural at this point.
It hurt like a monster. IMHO. YMMV
I don’t think I have a higher-than-normal pain tolerance, but you best believe I’m hoping and praying that sometime around November, I’ll find out that I do!
I can tell you this much. I never would have thought of doing things naturally, but unfortunately the way things turned out with my girls I had to have to c-sections. Now, I am not complaining because I am so unbelievably grateful to have ended up with two healthy girls after everything, but honestly I just feel that I missed out on so much. I would have loved to have been able to give birth to my daughters in the way God created my body to do so. Ended up surgery was the way we had to do it, but having had ANY chance of a semblance of a “normal” delivery taken away, I can really understand your wishes!
Whatever you do, dear Kel, I am praying that you and Harper are also happy and healthy!
Thanks, Claire! I’m hoping everything goes smoothly and we’re able to do NCB, but if not, we’re prepared to do anything and everything we can to have a healthy baby Harper!
You are KOOKOO for COCOAPUFFS, Kel.
Just kidding. But not really.
I believe in ‘to each her own’ and I seriously do applaud you for your fortitude and bravery and social consciousness about this decision. It is obviously well-thought out.
That being said, I just am SCAIRT for you. Only cause you might turn into a fire-breathing voodoo witch due to the pain, and I’d be worried more about your poor husband if that happens.
Sister, I want to hear ALL ABOUT IT.
My birthin’ experience (this is a lengthy post but quite interesting, I think. Full of drama!):
I went to my Dr. on a Wednesday before they were going to induce (helloooooo pitocin) that Friday.
Dr. wanted to do one last sonogram to check Charlie’s position. Sonogram Lady started doing sonogram and it went on and on and on. She should win actress of the century for how she handled what she saw. Or didn’t see. I had lost ALL my amniotic fluid and Charlie was in severe distress. But she didn’t tell me this. She excused herself to ‘grab something real fast’ and that ‘something’ ended up being the Dr.
Sonogram Lady sprinted through the office, pulled Dr. out of another patient’s room and told him that I was losing the baby (I learned this and other forthcoming details about a month later). The Dr. came blasting through the door and told me that “we are going to take the baby NOW” and then “SOMEBODY DRIVE HER ACROSS THE STREET!” I must have had the most idiotic stupid open-mouthed face at that point. I looked at Dr. and squeaked, “Wha?”
He shouted at me, and I imagine it was like a cartoon where the shouter is right in the shoutee’s face and when the shouter shouts, the shoutee’s hair blows back, you know? He yelled, “We have GOT TO TAKE THIS BABY NOW! You have to get to the ER! They are waiting for you, I am right behind you, I have someone to drive you!”
I was like….. but it’s FIFTY YARDS to the ER. I can drive myself, thank you very much…. note that at this point, I am OBVIOUSLY in shock and denial, because I had no clue as to the gravity of the situation. None whatsoever. I was fighting for my right to drive myself across the street while Charlie was on the brink of I-can’t-even-say-it.
Anyway, I won the driving war and sure enough, when the automatic doors slid open at the WK Pierremont ER, a tech with a wheelchair was at the door. He RAN to the OR…I had no idea a wheelchair could peel out…and when we arrived, no less than six people were there, all of them zipping around, moving equipment and trays. I was told, “Honey, this is no time for modesty, we’re in a big hurry, so I need you to strip and get on this table. This is your anesthesiologist and he’s going to numb you so you won’t feel a thing.”
I did as told and the moment I got on the steel table, it hit me. Panic. This was bad. Really, really superbad. It was serious and I was alone, my husband wasn’t there yet. He had been with me during the sonogram, and when the nurse left to “grab something,” I told him the sonogram was over, because I thought it was, and sent him on his way back to work. I’d called him and my Mom on the fifty-yard drive from the clinic to the hospital, but everything had happened so fast. I later learned that it was twenty minutes from the time I left the clinic to the first cut of the Caesarian. That’s pretty damn quick.
Anyway, there was a flurry of action after I got the epidural or spinal block or WHATEVER it’s called, and then Dr. was there and one of his partners was there and they were moving SO FAST. Then the sheet went up so I couldn’t see anything below my neck and a nurse leans around it and looks at me with such pity and says, “Sweetheart, do you want to be sedated if we have to work on the baby?” I was so confused. “Work” on the baby? It showed on my face and she said, “Honey, the baby is in distress. I’m sure everything will be just fine [lie! LIE!] But….just in case….we may have to work on him when he comes out, and it might look scary and upsetting, so we generally use some sedation. It just looks a little scary if you’re not familiar with it.”
I was soooo freaked out. “OK.”
Did I just agree that my son is going to be poked and pricked and resuscitated and have hoses coming to and from his body while I zone out on mother’s little helpers? I think I did. WTF??
By this point, the incision had been made and my Dr. kept talking to me, telling me what he was doing. “You’re going to feel some pressure, now, a LOT of pressure. Hang in there.” All of a sudden my shoulders were coming off the table, my head was bobbing. It didn’t HURT but it was really weird. Turns out both doctors were literally violently yanking me to open me up and get those metal thingys that keep your incision open in place so they could get Charlie.
I found out later that my husband had arrived and a nurse whispered to Dr. that he was scrubbed up and asked if he could come in and Dr. denied entry! Dr. was so certain that Charlie was going to either be *can’t say it again* or clinging to life and he was so sure that the neonatal team was going to have to use equipment and do horrible-looking things to our baby that he didn’t want my husband to freak on him (they had me lined up for sedatives but I also found out that sometimes men get……let’s say……..ACTIVE…….or even violent — in such situations.
“Come on now,” Dr. says. He is talking to Charlie. “We’re almost there, gonna get you in just a second.” Lots of chatter in the OR at this point, all medical stuff about what they’re going to do with me and with him when the baby comes out. I just remember hearing “no fluid” “heart rate” and “blood pressure rising” – different groups of people were discussing Charlie’s and my vitals and such and NONE of it was good.
Then I feel one huge sort of pressurized yank (only way I can describe it) and then I hear a cry, then Dr. yells, “YEAH! GET DAD!” and it’s over. Everyone in the room is absolutely relieved. All of them had expected the worst, but Charlie was making noise and that was awesome. Both doctors were high-fiveing and loudly congratulating me and themselves.
They brought Charlie to my face for a millisecond – by that time, husband was in the room. He was allowed to hold Charlie for another millisecond and then they whooshed the baby away to examine and stabilize him. It was nothing like I had planned. It wasn’t a Pampers commercial. No immediate bonding, no photos, no time to study his perfection and discuss whose nose or forehead he had. He was busy. So busy. And so was I. He had a bunch of stuff in his airway and nose and his heart rate and breathing weren’t stable. My blood pressure was off the charts and my body temperature was dangerously low. So we were both pretty sickly, but we were kickin.
The loss of all of my amniotic fluid was unexplainable. It is a very rare condition and usually there is NOT a happy ending because it’s generally not detected unless you have an ultrasound OR if there is ‘leakage’ and it’s obvious something is awry. I never felt any different, except I was really thirsty (body’s way of trying to ‘fix’ the problem), and I’m always thirsty anyway so that was not a helpful hint for me. Had I not gotten the sonogram that afternoon…even if I’d had the sonogram done only thirty minutes later than I did, I would not have my six-year-old mistersweetangelbooboo in my life, and that is a thought that cannot take up space in my head.
Charlie is somewhat oblivious to the drama and scariness of that afternoon- his first day on earth. He knows that he came ‘really fast out of mommy’s belly’ and that it was very scary because we weren’t expecting his company just yet, but I will let him read this story one day.
I still hold the title of ‘Most Dramatic Delivery’ of Dr.’s career.
I credit his knowledge and expertise and God’s grace for my son’s survival.
DUDE. That is AMAZING. Thank God Charlie’s OK!
Relatedly, I am now totally paranoid about my amniotic fluid level.
Wow, Kel, all I kept thinking while reading this post is, “you go, girl!”
I nicknamed my first OB “Satan.” I refer to him that way to this day. He sounds alot like the one you fired.
Eleven years ago when I was gearing up to give birth I was scared as hell, and no one bothered to help me through that. Two kids and a lot of learning later, I would do things totally differently if I could. I had epidurals both times. The first one didn’t wear off for 12 hours, and I had a bitch of an episiotomy. The second birth was better for many reasons. But all that was back in the day when I blindly trusted medical professionals and believed every word they said. If I had it to do over again, I think it would go against what I believe now to NOT try natural childbirth. That being said, I DAMN WELL BETTER NOT turn up pregnant!
I love most that you said the flip side of freedom of choice is owning that choice. I think you own it rather well.
Thanks, Lori!
I may not, for a variety of reasons, succeed at having an NCB, but I’m sure as hell going to do everything I can to be prepared for one. And that’s all any of us can do, I think