First, a few disclaimers:
1. The comments we are about to discuss did not appear in MY Facebook news feed. The woman who made them is a friend of a friend. But when my friend told me about them five days ago, my blood started boiling and hasn’t stopped yet.
2. Yes, I realize I am probably stepping in a hornet’s nest with this one. No, I do not care. You will soon see why.
3. I try to keep most of my posts here on Bachelor Girl, language-wise, in the PG-13 category. This when veers a little more into M territory.
You will soon see why.
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Last Thursday, a friend called me up and told me about something that appeared that day in her Facebook news feed (further proof that Facebook is Of the Devil). Apparently, a mutual acquaintance posted a statistic she got from God-knows-where that went something like, “Mothers who breastfeed their babies are more responsive to their babies’ cries.”
O RLY?
And apparently, this person does this sort of thing a lot: Posts little barbs about breastfeeding versus bottle-feeding that basically equate baby formula with rat poison or giving your kid a steady diet of Coca-Cola Classic.
Here’s the thing:
I don’t think there’s any disputing, at this point, that “breast is best.” Breastfeeding is one of the healthiest things you can do for your baby and yourself. Obviously, it’s super nutritious, and it helps the baby’s developing immune system. There is also evidence that it helps prevent problems like allergies and stomach ulcers. It is undoubtedly one of the most powerful ways for mother and baby to bond. Plus, bonus! It helps a lot of women lose weight after pregnancy. I absolutely plan to do everything within my power to exclusively breastfeed Baby Powell until he/she is at least one year old.
However.
Breastfeeding is simply not an option for everyone.
I personally know at least two women who are physically UNABLE to breastfeed their children. And I don’t mean they gave it one shot in the hospital, it didn’t work out and they said, “Eh, screw it” and went straight to Walmart and bought a can of Similac. I mean doctors and lactation consultants and herbalists and acupuncturists and homeopathic physicians were consulted and hundreds (if not thousands) of dollars were spent, and still, no bueno.
And what’s worse, both of these women TORTURED themselves over the fact that they had to feed their babies something that any (sane) doctor in the world will tell you is a perfectly acceptable food source for a baby: formula!
NO, it’s not “poison.”
NO, it’s not a cop-out for lazy moms.
NO, it’s not a substitute for mothers who don’t love their babies as much as you love your pwecious wittle snowfwake.
IT’S EFFING FOOD, PEOPLE.
Is it the ideal food?
No. But it’s still food. And regardless of what breastfeeding zealots will tell you, babies need to EAT even more than they need to suckle at their mothers’ breasts.
(I cannot believe I just used the phrase “suckle at their mothers’ breasts” on my blog. Jesus, what have we come to around here?)
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Here’s the other thing:
Regardless of how you feel about breast milk or formula, I think we can all agree that only a mothereffing concert-grade douchebag would take to for-Christ’s-sake FACEBOOK in order to shame other people about their parenting decisions.
To the people who do that sort of thing, I have only this to say:
I hope the fact that you can make milk come out of your boobs makes you feel super awesome about yourself.
Because I assure you, it does NOT make up for the fact that you’re the sort of person who feels the need to denigrate others simply because you’re lucky enough to have all your ducts in working order.
KUDOS, BITCH.
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Of course, not all people who feed their babies formula are unable to breastfeed. Some women simply choose not to, and while I personally do not feel that is the best decision, 1) Nobody asked me and 2) Who the hell really cares as long as your baby is getting fed?
I had a long conversation yesterday with Jessica the Web Mistress, who just gave birth to Sarah two weeks ago. She’s breastfeeding her and finally starting to enjoy it, but she gave me the real-deal lowdown on the first week of nursing:
1. It sucks, literally and figuratively.
2. It hurts like a mofo.
3. It’s exhausting.
Jessica really wanted to breastfeed Sarah, and she’s very happy and grateful that she’s able to do so, but we agreed that we can TOTALLY see how someone would elect not to. Particularly if you have a short maternity leave (and therefore a short learning curve), it would be a heck of a lot easier to feed formula from the beginning and skip the hassle of breastfeeding. And make no mistake, it IS a hassle.
Now, one of the militant breastfeeders’ favorite activities is to raise a giant hue and cry about how a mother just cannot possibly bond with her infant if she does not breastfeed! Why, your darling little baby will grow up to be a cat-burning serial killer with borderline personality disorder if it does not nurse, you boob-withholding monster, you!
Bull corn, as my grandfather would’ve said.
My husband is adopted. He ate baby formula from Day One. When his adoptive parents picked him up from the hospital when he was 11 days old, they told them what kind of formula to buy, and that was that.
The Guy not only grew up healthy, strong and smart, he also considers his parents two of his best friends.
I’m sorry, what was that about “inability to bond”?
And for those who insist breastfeeding ALWAYS produces healthier babies, try this on for size.
The Guy, a Formula-Fed Baby:
–Has been sick(ish) for a grand total of about 36 hours the entire time I’ve known him.
–Does not suffer from allergies.
–Has no stomach problems whatsoever.
Kelly, a Breastfed Baby:
–Is felled by the suggestion of a cold.
–Has spent literally thousands of dollars on various allergy remedies.
–Was diagnosed with stomach ulcers at the age of four.
It’s all the rage now for adoptive mothers to attempt to induce lactation in themselves, but
1. That’s effing creepy, dude.
2. They almost never produce enough milk to exclusively breastfeed their babies anyway.
The bottom line is, breastfeeding is FAR from the only way to bond with a baby. I’m reading a book right now that Cassie sent to me, and it’s chock full of ways to bond with babies, including co-sleeping and baby-wearing.
Anybody who thinks they need one of these in order to bond with her baby should really talk to The Guy or his mom.
Either one of them will be happy to knock some sense into you.
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Finally, any time you argue with a boobie radical about any of these points, you will inevitably wind up in an argument that begins, “My lactation consultant said! All the lactation consultants say! Lactation consultants know!”
Hm. Do they really?
In order to qualify to take their exam, the International Board of Lactation Consultant Examiners requires candidates to have about 1,000 hours of clinical practice in lactation care.
That’s a lot, isn’t it?! A THOUSAND hours!
It’s 125 working days, actually, or about 25 work weeks.
Me, I’ll take my advice from Dr. Brandi, who endured not only four years of undergraduate studies, but also eight YEARS of medical school. Oh, AND she exclusively breastfed two children.
A little over six months v. 12 years of education + experience = That’s a big, fat no-brainer, now, isn’t it?
And Dr. Brandi assures me that while breast is, of course, best, babies do not die but, in fact, thrive from drinking formula. One need not nurse a baby in order for it to become a happy, healthy, developmentally normal, functional, responsible, contributing member of society.
So to the woman who thought it was a really great idea to disparage other mothers on Facebook?
Put that in your bottle and suck it.
Your rankled
Kel
WHOOOOO! Yes. Ladies need to stop warring with each other and start supporting all our choices.
Jeepers.
WORD.
Kelly,
My oldest son was not breastfeed (consider the age I had him) he is Never sick, has no idea what the flu feels like, etc. My other son, however, I did breastfeed (for about a month, that’s all I could physically do) he has asthma, allergies (when the allergist did the 50 shots in his back, he isn’t allergic to cats, dogs, horses, goats and ragweed -go figure. However, he is allergic to every single other grass, tree and mold. The doc told him to move to Antarctica.)
You’re going to be a great mother, breastfed baby or not.
Love ya..
Oh, thank you, Michelle!
I tell ya, I’m beginning to think this “breastfeeding prevents allergies” business is bogus. Lord knows breastfeeding has plenty of other benefits, but allergy prevention is obviously not one of them.
I just hope I figure out what DOES prevent allergies before Baby Powell is born so he/she does not end up like his/her mama!
Yes. Breastfeeding hurts like a mofo. I would grab on to something and hold my breath when Claire would start to feed. And I did that 10 times a day. It’s tough. It’s dedication. But it goes away. And, the more babies you have (and I’m assuming, close together, as is my experience) it hurts less. A lot of women find that discouraging and therefore don’t do it.
A coworker of mine couldn’t. It broke her heart. She still tears up thinking about it, and her youngest is 5. She used the supplimental nursers…hours and hours of stressing a day…to no avail.
On the other side, I get a lot of comments that go, “How on earth can you breastfeed?” What pisses me off is how smug women can be. Because, obviously, they are the best thing in the whole world. And when I get looked at funny for breastfeeding my kid in public, I want to shake them and say, “Baby’s gotta eat, too.” So would it make me a better person to feed my kid formula?
And to those women who think that formula is the devil, look into things like Baby’s Only. It isn’t chemical ridden like some can be.
I breastfed all of my children. And when my boobs said they couldn’t make any more to sustain them, I moved on to formula. My kids, believe it or not, are still alive. And smart as all hell.
Some people just need to mind their own business and quit being Judgy-McJudgersteins.
Oh, and the reason why I think the article may be on the right track is because when a nursing mother hears a baby cry, their milk drops and you leak all over the g-damned place. That’s my only thought about that.
Oh, I’ve heard about that, and I’m super excited about it, because I’ve always told my friend Mere that after she has a baby, I’m going to make a recording of a baby crying and call her up, like, at work and church and cocktail parties and stuff!
It’s gonna be AWESOME.
This actually doesn’t happen to me. I never leak. Go figure!
I don’t anymore, actually. But with my first…it took about 4 months until my boobs got control of themselves.
Oh that is so true Cassie. Mark couldn’t believe it when I told him that her crying was making a mess.
The only thing I have against formula is that it’s so gat-dang expensive! I’ll be totally honest here: One of the main reasons I hope I can breastfeed is because it’s FREE!
As long as we’re disclosing our deepest secrets, I’ll also tell you that another big bonus of breastfeeding is the same as cloth diapers – no running to the store!
I HATE RUNNING TO THE STORE SO MUCH.
I do both cloth diapers and disposable. If I’m going out of the house, I use disposable, if I’m staying in, cloth. I also buy my diapers in bulk at Sam’s Club. I don’t spend much, because I don’t use much.
My eldest LB — REFUSED my Boobs — I also went back to work when she was 4 weeks old; She is now 15 years old, she has RARELY been sick, she does have eczema, but I know her like the back of my hand and she has only in the past few years decided to lose her mind (a side effect of being a teenager)! I did not try with #2, horrible woman that I am, and she has allergies, and has visited the doctor more, but I attribute that to the fact that I had to put her in daycare at the age of 6 weeks , unlike #1 who was in the care of my mom and the old ladies in the beauty shop!
Every human being is different, you do the best job you can as a parent to nourish, bond with, and prepare your children for the great big world out there, so that they too have the choice to bash others or just tell the world they are happy on their own Facebook page one day!
Nice job controlling those hormones Kel!
I know, right?! I AM THE VERY MODEL OF SELF-CONTROL.
LIKE!
Thanks, Nate!!
Can I give you a hug? The timing on this could not be better. Today has been Silas’ first day being exclusively bottle fed. He was not gaining weight on my breastmilk – in fact he was losing – and I was not producing enough to convince us that the situation was going to get any better. It’s caused about 24 hours of hormone-laden heartache in our house, but at the end of the day, I can tell that my son is happy and content and thriving on formula. What more does a mother want? But what makes it hard is people like the woman you describe who guilt and shame people whose breasts are not flowing with milk and honey, so to speak. Anyway, thanks for this post.
Noel, never, ever, EVER feel bad about feeding your baby baby-appropriate food, no matter what ANYONE says. If you were, I don’t know, pureeing vindaloo curry and giving THAT to Silas in his bottle, we’d be having a different conversation, I guess, but as it is, he’s healthy, you’re happy (I hope) and everything’s gonna be OK. I know from reading your blog how committed you were to breastfeeding, and I admire you for having the guts to change your plan, make a tough choice and do what’s best for your baby, not yourself. I have trouble with that sometimes, and I hope I have the courage to follow your example when my time comes.
Well at first I thought you were talking about me since I’m pretty pro-breastfeeding on facebook, however, I would never intentionally make other moms feel bad about bottle feeding teh formulaz, since that’s exactly what Camryn got from ages 4 mo-1 year. I did mourn the end of our time nursing but….life goes on. She’s a happy, healthy, almost 4-going-on-13 year old….formula is fine. Brandon, however, is the chugga lugga king, and would probably spit in my face if offered formula….really, anything in a bottle, now that I think about it.
SUCKLE! BREAST! BOOBS! I’M THE EPITOME OF MATURITY
No way, dude. You have never said ANYTHING to make anybody feel bad. It’s perfectly fine to be pro-breastfeeding – I am! – but this person needs to revisit that old kindergarten lesson about playing nicely with others.
HOOOOOOOOOOOOTERS!!
My Goodness Kel–Take a breath. All this for a single, second-hand, breastfeeding comment? I can understand why you would want to make the choice to breastfeed (or not), and to defend that choice…but the internet is full of questionable “facts”…especially when it comes to pregnancy/parenting. At our most vulnerable and hormonal it’s hard to take some things in stride and breast vs bottle is very polarizing. A new mother has so many unknowns, and even when we do our homework, it is still terrifying! I remember. Most people don’t buy into these FB comments(opinions)as God’s Gospel…but if they do, it is because they want or need to believe whatever it is they have read. We have to trust that our personal decisions (while maybe different from others) are the best for our child and cirumstance. The good news is, you get to be the decision maker and authority w/ your own child–and it will be Right(or as right as any mother can be)
Thanks, Anita. You’re sweet
I just feel very strongly that women (especially mothers) have plenty of hardships, trials and difficult decisions to make, and publicly shaming each other only makes matters worse. Like you said, as long as the baby’s basic needs are being met, then no one has the right to undermine that decision-making process. It’s perfectly OK to advocate some methods over others, but not at the expense of making other moms feel that their choices are inadequate or worse, harmful.
For the record…I nursed Lyndsey for 9 months–Laurie for only 3. Lyndsey is allergic to EVERYTHING..Laurie, not so much…
See my comment to Michelle, above! I swear, if someone showed me enough evidence that eating kitty litter would prevent allergies in Baby Powell, I’d get me a spoon and go to town. I do NOT want the poor guy/gal to end up like me!
Ugh. You and the guy both have bad allergies? What we’ve learned with Grant’s issues is that it’s highly hereditary. I wish it weren’t. Rob has NO allergies. But Grant got all of mine. He even has eczema. Poor kid just can’t catch a break.
No, just me, thank goodness! At least Baby P. has a 50 percent shot of NOT ending up a snot-and-rash factory!
First of all, let me start off by saying, “BRAVO.” I love it that you wrote all this.
Now that that’s out of the way…
Let me clear up a few myths that will make you feel more confident in your own future abilities!
Myth #1 – Breastfeeding ALWAYS hurts. It doesn’t hurt for every mom. So! Maybe you’ll be one of the lucky ones (as I was) who it never hurt. Seriously. It just didn’t. He came right out of the womb ready to nurse, and although we had some initial latch issues (that were cleared right up with a nipple shield), he has since thrived on it, and I’ve never been in pain!
Myth #2 – when a baby cries, you’ll feel your milk let down, and it will leak everywhere. Some women, yes, this happens. Me? Nope! I never have it. Ever. My milk just comes out when the baby sucks, and the only way I know it is that I can hear him swallowing, and eventually he gets what I call ‘milk-drunk’. And then he spits up a glob of slimy milk on whatever nice thing I’m wearing. It also just comes out when I hook up to the pump. I never have to think about it. It just happens, and I don’t really feel anything. Also, when a baby cries, my boobs don’t start leaking. When my son cries, my boobs don’t leak. Come to think of it, I don’t know if they’ve ever leaked. Well, maybe a drop or so will come out of one side if he’s nursing on the other.
Myth #3 – Breastfeeding causes your nipples to dry and crack and you’ll need lanolin to put on them and end up with mastitis and cross-eyed and pigeon-toed. Not everyone experiences this. I never did. My nipples have never changed – not once!
Now, to tell you my honest opinion about exclusively breastfeeding, because I’ve had a lot of caffeine and want to tell you all about my vast knowledge (haha – 4.5 whole months). I’m planning to try and hold off introduction of food for as long as possible. I have never even given Grant rice cereal. I’m doing this because we’re still trying to figure out what’s wrong with him and his allergy symptoms.
Breastfeeding is a personal choice. I can’t stand women who have any opinion to interject other than that of a supportive role. If you want to breastfeed, congratulations. If you end up formula feeding, congratulations. Either way, your baby will gain weight and grow into the unique human being s/he was meant to be. It doesn’t really matter how they get there.
Truly the only reasons I’m doing it is to save money because formula is hella expensive and it helps me to burn calories. But I will be totally honest and tell you how much I. HATE. PUMPING. It takes me about 2 hours out of every day to pump. This includes 4 sessions with my pump, and the cleanup of the parts afterward. I am so over it. It is a massive pain in the ass. It is a time vampire. I feel like a cow hooked up to a milking machine. I’ve given up trying to be discreet about it. I’ll do it at the kitchen table right in front of Rob. I did it in the Tahoe on the trip to Arkansas, and although we have tinted windows, I would have done it if we didn’t. If I stayed home, I would nurse and it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. But pumping? At work? At the lake house? On a trip? Ugh. I swear that I would go to formula in a heartbeat if I had an extra $200/month laying around to buy it (and was already skinny).
And as for the health benefits… Have you seen my postings about Grant’s health? He’s been sick for the past 13 weeks of his 20 weeks alive. He’s literally had a stuffy nose and cough for that long. We’ve already been to a pulmonogist and allergy and asthma doctor. We’ve spent hundreds of dollars trying to figure out what’s wrong with him. Breastfeeding didn’t do shit to prevent this. It’s definitely a case-by-case basis.
Bottom line is, do what you feel is right for your child and don’t let any self-righteous ho tell you otherwise. If I was unable to breastfeed, I’d not feel bad at all about formula feeding and I’d be ready to tell any bitches who wanted to interject their opinion to eat a d***.
As it is, I make enough milk to feed an army of babies. I have over 600 ounces frozen in my garage freezer. Ridiculous. I’ve been trying to find somewhere to donate it! Over-production is a better problem to have than under, so I’m not complaining.
I’ve just had such an easy go with it that I felt like you should have some feedback that isn’t all “breastfeeding is the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do!!!” Because it doesn’t have to be. I’m hoping you have it easy as well!! ?
If you EVER have questions, please email me. I had a GREAT friend who has a daughter about a year older than Grant and she was my go-to girl for all things breastfeeding. It’s really nice to know that you have a support network out there and can ask ANY question about it and not feel weird about it. Seriously. I’m here for ya!
your comment caught my attention because my son has had a runny nose and a cough that comes and goes for 3 months (he’ll be 9 months on the third) He’s EBF’d but I did start solids then-we don’t do baby food, he went straight to table food and I’m wondering if he has an allergy to something he’s eating. I assume you haven’t figured anything out if you’re still trying to find out what’s wrong with your son? Just curious.
We haven’t found anything out yet – thanks for asking. The doctor said that since he was EBF, there was no need to do a blood test to check for food allergies. I already tried to go non-dairy for over a week, and it didn’t seem to help either.
I’m afraid that a bout with RSV when he was 7 weeks old is what triggered this asthma-type congestion and cough he’s had. We are having to nebulize him 4 times per day – two of those times with an added steroid. It is exhausting to do breathing treatments (10-15 minutes each) on top of all the other junk we have to do. I’m worn out!
Has your son been to an asthma/allergy doctor?
no, i’m going to inquire about it at his checkup in a couple of weeks. He seems to act unaffected, but the runny nose AND ecxema patches have me all mama-bearish.
OMG. I HATE TO BREAST PUMP, TOO. Seriously. At my job, there’s no place for me to do it, so I have to pump in the locker room and people come and go as they please. It’s just fabulous.
Ugh, my job makes me do it in the locker room too! Luckily, it’s a single-serve locker room, so no one can come in while I’m in there with the door locked.
Doesn’t your company have to give you a clean PRIVATE place to pump?
that’s illegial, btw.
I’m a nurse in a hospital. I can use an empty patient room on a different floor if I want, but then housekeeping has to come in and clean it top to bottom and I really don’t want them to hate me. So I just stick with the locker room. I don’t care if they don’t. I’m discrete. I just feel bad for the guys that walk in.
#1: OH, THANK GOD. This is me including the phrase “And please, Lord, spare my ta-tas the pain of nursing and the humiliation of sagging when it comes time for me to breastfeed Baby Powell” in my prayers for the next seven months.
#2: I actually hope this one is true. My friend Mere and I have big plans involving a recording of a baby crying and the desire to humiliate each other in public places (the more formal, the better).
#3: I am TERRIFIED of mastitis. I read about when Heather Armstrong/Dooce had it, and I still clutch my boob whenever I think about it. YIKES.
I’m with you on the “breastfeeding is cheaper” thing. It would kill my little penny-pinching soul to have to shell out 20-plus-dollars a can for formula.
Girl, you KNOW I’ll be emailing you! I’ll have a million questions, and I’m already figuring out that teh internets, never renown for its reliability, is particularly full of crap when it comes to all things Baby.
P.S. What size is Grant in now?
Grant is HUGE! He’s wearing 9-12 month stuff now! He’s like 18 pounds or something. He really likes my milk.
I was worried about all kinds of stuff like mastitis and saggy boobs and breast pads to control leaking and nursing bras and sleep bras and nipple confusion and blah blah blah. Turns out, breastfeeding isn’t much more than getting the baby to latch on, and not suffocating him/her with your swollen ta-tas.
I don’t even use special bras. I ended up getting some wireless bras from VS when I was preggo and still wear them. They are pretty comfy. I don’t sleep in a bra. I don’t wear breast pads. There was no nipple confusion for Grant – he drinks from the wide Playtex Naturalatch nipples in the Ventaire bottles. LOVE the Ventaire bottles. They are really cheap through Amazon Mom Prime membership.
Also, if you decide to not cloth diaper, check into Amazon for your diapers. They are cheaper there than anywhere else – even off-brand diapers from Costco are more expensive than Pampers on Amazon.com. Sign up for the mom’s prime membership (it’s free!) if you haven’t already. You get 15% off of all diapers and just about anything in the baby store, too! Plus, prime membership means free shipping. Also, lots of their diapers are eligible for Subscribe and Save, so you get another 15% off, and they take it off the original price, so a total of 30% of the big boxes of diapers! So, recap – 30% discount, no tax, free shipping right to your door. Score! We get the big 230+ count boxes for around $28.
And if you do this deal, please consider visiting Amazon through http://www.amazongrant.com. This is our associates link and helps fund Grant’s college savings account!
Again, email me any time. I’m happy to answer questions. I was in your shoes just a few months ago!
OK, now speaking as a card-carrying man, just let me say… it doesn’t matter what I say because I’m a man. WTF do I know about it?
I will say that it’s a cryin’ shame that people always seem to need someone to shit on. People need to get off their high horses and mind their own freakin’ business. This is like going to Basking Robbins and berating anyone that doesn’t order Chocolate Chip. There are a bunch of ways to get to the same place…
It’s also funny how times have changed. My mom tells me the the hospital in which she gave birth to me wouldn’t stop pushing the bottle on her. She had to fight to breast feed me. In fact, after several such battles, they brought me out to her with a bottle tucked into my blanket and Mom threw it against the wall across the room. (Mom was small but scrappy.)
The point is that there is no Universal Right Way of, well, doing anything… except maybe the minding of one’s own business. I know I turned out fine… although I get hungry whenever I hear glass breaking…
I think your mom and I would get along really, really well, Bluz.
I wasn’t breastfed for a single minute; when and where I was born (Texas…196coughcough) going right to the bottle seems to have been de rigueur. I don’t think I had any ill health effects. If I did they’d be hard to separate from all the cigarettes, dope, and alcohol my parents were enjoying.
Anyway. I’m certainly pro-breastfeeding and I support making it easier to do publicly, but I know from watching my wife that it is hard, and tiring, and there are plenty of cases where it just doesn’t work. There used to be people called wetnurses and they weren’t there just because mother was a high powered CEO/monarch – some folks actually needed those lactating rock stars. If formula replaced anything it was wetnurses (which is fine by me, but I don’t have a problem with co-nursing either). Anyway, mothering and parenting is hard enough, and the other environmental factors so much more important, people need to get over it. I don’t mind advocacy, but shaming people for breastfeeding is mean and makes the advocate look ignorant.
That’s the perfect way to put it, Chris: “Advocacy is fine, but shaming people for formula-feeding is mean and makes the advocate look ignorant.”
I’m going to file that one away for future use.
I don’t care if you breastfeed or not, as long as you don’t do it in public. Nasty! Disgusting! Put those things away, ladies! No one wants to see that!
Also, way to say it’s wrong to judge people for their feeding choices and then call out women who induce lactation. I secretly want to be a wet nurse just because it’s sooooooo crazy, though, so maybe I’m biased.
LOL. I thought you were serious about the second paragraph.
I think everyone should induce lactation just for the weight loss benefits. haha
There was a time in my life when I SO would’ve done that.
At least I didn’t tell the lactation-inducers that they’re permanently damaging their children, right?
No?
Good point. Not long ago, I got so peeved when a friend of mine was defending her choice to have an epidural during labor and delivery. Apparently, someone had lambasted her choice and implied that a GOOD mother would have a drug-free birth. But when I mentioned that I would definitely consider natural childbirth, she was all like, “OH MY GOD! That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!”
That’s basically what I just did to the wet nurses of the world.
Speaking of, you can be mine, if you want. I’ll pay you in macarons and contact lenses.
Personally, I’ve never seen the benefits of a NCB in my own situation. But if someone wants to do it, then more power to them/you! Seriously, I applaud your decision if that’s the way you want to go.
You can always read my birth story on LJ to see how my L&D went. It was awesomecakes. I’m actually glad I had the epidural because Grant was SO. BIG.
I have promised both myself and The Guy that I am not making any decisions until much later on in this pregnancy. Until then, I’m just reading and learning all I can.
The way I see it, I might get to the third trimester and be all, “DUDE, I CANNOT TAKE ANYMORE. SERIOUSLY. GIMME THE GOOD DRUGS.” Or I might feel like, “Well, I got this. I think I can do this.”
Regardless, The Guy has made me swear that if I do go au naturale, I cannot be smug about it.
I’d totally be smug. Contractions hurt like a mofo, if I could have handled them sans drugs I would have told everyone within a 5 mile radius to kiss my big white hiney for the rest of my life.
Related: Becoming a parent will make the word “hiney” come naturally.
I think a lot of opinions and plans change throughout pregnancy. I knew when I was getting the cervix checks toward the end, that I had sealed the deal on the epidural. Those were pretty painful for me (they aren’t for everyone so don’t freak out), and I knew that my threshold for pain was very small.
A few of my friends told me that they were just too afraid of getting a needle in their backs. I’m not even kidding when I say that I am the BIGGEST WEENIE you ever met when it comes to all things doctors/hospitals. But the epidural was no big deal at all. I barely felt it being done. The initial numbing injection doesn’t even hurt as bad as having blood drawn, so… yeah. Pain-free was the method of greatness for me.
And then again, natural has been done for thousands of years. I think you’ll know what’s right for you when the time comes, and either way, you’ll have a beautiful baby to show for it.
I considered having a NCB with my third. My epidural wore off with both my others prior, so I felt everything and figured, why not? When I got there they told me the good anesthesiologist was on and would be leaving within a few hours, I said, “Stick a needle in me and numb me up!” I wanted to enjoy my L&D, and if I did NCB it’d only be so I could say I did. Now I realize how dumb that is. When you’re in a lot of pain, it can make your labor that much longer. And contractions hurt like a son of a bitch once you’re in active 7 centimeter labor. You get no break. So unless you have a doula, a midwife, a husband with the patience of a saint, a big bouncy ball and a tub or shower…it just wasn’t happening for me. And I don’t regret it one bit. I had three very uneventful labors and deliveries. Just the way I wanted.
But those women who do NCB are badass all the same.
Yep. I was induced (came into the hospital at 3cm) and was fine until they broke my water. Then the anesthesiologist disappeared for 1.5 hours. I was writhing in pain and totally embarrassed about how sissy I was being over 3cm. Finally, when the doc came to do the epidural, and I was laid back down and checked, I was at an 8 (almost a 9). So, going from a 3 to an 8 with no pain control? Not on my list of things to do with the second baby. I’ll be asking for the epidural as soon as I’m asked to change into the gown.
Dude, some bodies open right up and while the pain is really hard, they just birth pretty easily.
Me? I never really dilated well. I’d get to 4 and stop….agony…pitocin…more agony…epidural (expecting things to slow down more) and low and behold I’d be up at 9 centimeters in 20 minutes.
Plus I could still feel the pressure of the contractions, just not the agony.
J
In my personal experience, the lactation consultant was full of crap. I know there are some out there who know what they’re talking about, but mine left me helpless. I ended up having to call Angela to make sure what I was going through was normal.
And yes, it is exhausting. And yes, for me it hurts like a mofo, but it’s getting better. And it is exhausting. I totally see why people formula feed. Plus, dad can help out. Right now my husband just looks on helplessly.
Speaking of worthless lactation consultants… My lactation consultant didn’t even visit me until at least a day after Grant was born! I was like, thanks, but I’ve got it now, gah.
I mean, I’ll definitely consult one if I have problems breastfeeding, but I was shocked to see how little training, relatively speaking, is required to become one. I’d be a lot more inclined to actually listen to one who was also a doctor or a nurse (or better yet, one of those AND a breastfeeding mother herself).
Some of the hooter hounds, though, think whatever they say is necessarily the gospel truth.
Just my personal opinion of LC’s…..1000 hours ISN’T a lot, however, breastfeeding isn’t *supposed* to be hard…I mean, both mom and baby were designed for it and all that. So how much time can it take to learn how to overcome obstacles to breastfeeding? Yes, Dr. Brandi is awesome but she’s a doctor, therefore, needs to be all-knowing about many things….lactation consulant is a pretty specific niche, know what I mean?
My LC @ the hospital w/Brandon visited the day I was discharged, however, I think the nurses knew he was a pro at it and that I had no problem. Also remember that there’s probably only a few LC’s (if you’re lucky to have more than one) staffed at hospitals…so, sadly, there’s not enough to go around.
Not saying that are be-all, end-all…I certainly don’t think they are. But they are a great resource, especially if you don’t know what the F you are doing. (I may or may not be talking about myself 3 days post partum with Camryn and a lactaction consultant squeezing my boob, milk shooting across the room, and her telling me, “Yes THERE’S MILK IN THERE!”) hardy har.
That’s actually a really good point – it’s supposed to come naturally and be pretty straightforward, so how much training do you realistically need?
You so smart.
Btw, I’ll be hitting you up soon for cloth-diapering advice. The Guy has made me promise to wait until the second trimester (and, well, until we get the nursery closet cleaned out) before I go nuts buying diapers. But I’ve only got two weeks to go!
Sweet! I love dishing out cloth advice. I love it. Fluffy butts are the cutest thing EVAR, plus, like you mentioned above, no need in always running to the store (unless you forget to wash them and only have one clean one left, like I did Sunday morning.)
I would have LOVED to cloth diaper. The reason we don’t do it is that I have no place to line-dry the diapers. I hear that the dryer ruins them. I even looked into using a diaper service (the peeps that wash all the poop!), but it was way too expensive compared to buying disposables. It costs me about $20-$40/mo to diaper Grant’s butt right now, compared to $99/mo for a diaper service. Still, it crushes me to think about how much environmental waste Grant and I are creating.
Um……you heard wrong. The dryer doesn’t ruin cloth diapers. I’ve got almost 2 year of dryer-used cloth diapering under my belt. I’d totally reconsider it if that’s the only reason you didn’t want to do it. (The dryer CAN sort of mess with diaper COVERS, but, all you have to do there is lay them flat on your washer, dryer, or even a hanger.) I live in an apartment and we’re not allowed to hang stuff to dry on the patio (lame).
That’s good to know! I’ll probably not start now though. I am already bogged down with the amount of stuff I have to do throughout the week baby-related on top of working. I don’t know if I can throw a new wrench in my process at this point. I’ll probably look into it with our next baby.
Have you ever used GroBaby? I have it for my kids because the shell grows with the kid. I always wanted to use Fuzzy Buns, too.
It’s supposed to be natural….but food poisoning can be natural. Walking is natural but it also takes time (and spills) to happen.
I used a lactation consultant once when Owen didn’t latch exactly right. Something about his very slender upper lip and my big boob didn’t match.
We got it figured out but I’m glad I had someone to watch me.
The initial pain of nursing lasted about 3 days and then it was a joy. Though they both only liked to nurse on my left side for some reason (produced more milk—weird!) and then I had lopsided tits!
1. Tell-it-like-it-is-Kel is AWESOME.
2. I never understand people who get so fired up about how other people parent. As long as it doesn’t directly affect you, which it usually doesn’t, who cares? (And, of course, as long as the child is being properly cared for. But that’s a different situation altogether. And if the person has any sort of opinion on the subject, they aren’t the ones you need to be worrying about anyways, because they obviously care enough about their children to actually HAVE an opinion one way or the other.)
3. There is no right or wrong way, and there never will be. Ten years from now, a study will come out saying that formula causes some new random health issue, then another ten years later they’ll be saying it’s actually breastfeeding that causes it. Then another ten years they’ll say there’s no connection at all. You can’t possibly know about and protect from anything bad that could ever happen. So we all just need to get over it and let each person do what they feel is best for their child.
4. Facebook IS Of The Devil. See also, Mothers Who Write Status Updates On Their Children’s Poo Habits.
Thanks, Lisa!
GIRL, I KNOW IT. I love my friends and, in most cases, I love their children, but dude, I do not need to see a picture of your toddler perched proudly on his Dora the Explorer training potty while I’m trying to choke down my morning bagel.
It is just that simple.
As I type this (as my mom said, I was breastfed for 9 months), my eyes are practically swollen shut and leaking and itching like crazy . . . from allergies! And I have had GI troubles and shingles and swine flu and all kinds of stuff! Little sis has nothing. Makes me wish I had a bottle! ACHOO.
YES!
A bottle full of Blood Mary.
Yes to this.
Oh – and regarding LC…women have been breastfeeding since the beginning of time. There wasn’t formula to be heard of. So I’m pretty sure the entire population wasn’t wiped out because they weren’t there. In my mind, they should be for support and nothing else.
I declined a consultant all three kids. Hell, Maelie was feeding within 30 minutes of being born.
I will tell you, though, when I had Claire, my night nurse came into my room, took Claire out of her bassinet, grabbed my breast and shoved Claire to it saying “Baby needs to eat now.”
I gave her the look of death and said, “If you ever so much as handle me or my daughter that way again, I’ll have you fired.”
When I had Luca, she was supposed to be my nurse again, and I refused her. Stupid crazy nurse thinking she knows everything….grabbing my boob! And what makes me sad about that situation is that not everyone is in the medical profession, so they don’t know any better. They think that’s the way it’s supposed to be!
It’s called a maternal instinct for a reason. Just saying.
OH MY LURD!
If someone grabs my boob for any reason except it is on fire, then he or she will draw back a bloody nub.
My guess is though that those women in the past did have consultants…sisters, aunts, mothers who all helped them learn. And some people probably failed and babies died.
Happens. Women used to die in childbirth too. I figure with Owen, whose head was just slightly tilted….I might have died with him if it wasn’t for a good doctor. I mean if there wasn’t interventions and such.
Thank you.
I tried so hard with both AB and EK, and both times I failed miserably. Yes, I still feel like I failed. Even though I gave it my all and agonized over switching to formula and EVEN THOUGH it is due to a PHYSIOLOGICAL condition that I CAN’T HELP (PCOS) that I am unable to make enough milk to feed my babies, I still feel like I let them down.
I didn’t even make it two weeks with Annabelle before I gave up. She never did get a good latch. Ella Kate nursed like a champ – latched without a hitch, had a good deep suck – and I really thought we were gonna make it nursing… but the milk just wasn’t there, and after a few weeks of her nursing *all* the time and still losing weight rather than gaining, I did what I had to do to feed my baby!
Both of my girls have thrived on formula, and I understand that my body probably will not be able to nurse this third baby either, but I still feel like I have to try, or else I’ll be cheating her/him.
I know it’s effed up and illogical, but there it is.
Forgive my butting in here, but do you take metformin for your PCOS? I also have PCOS (the insulin resistant form) and take metformin for it. I attribute my OVERsupply of milk to that drug.
Kathy, even though I obviously don’t agree that you’re letting your girls down, I can completely understand how you could feel that way. Honestly, if I am, for whatever reason, unable to breastfeed Baby Powell, I’ll be very upset. And you know that, like you, I won’t give up without a fight! But I promised The Guy and myself that if I figure out at some point that it’s just not working, I’m going to Walmart, buying The Can and not wasting another minute worrying about it.
Wow! There are a LOT of comments on this one!
I think both Bluz and Chris (and others) said it very well. It’s nobody’s business but yours how you do things for your baby! I think your title pretty much says it, too – I would say that to any naysayers that try to say they’re better than you for doing A or B a certain way. Way to go, MBG!
Thanks, Cristy!!
I haven’t read through the comments here, so take what I say with a grain of salt and/or forgive me if I’m repeating.
1. Honey, the Interwebs are full of judgey people and judgey moms, and try not to get to riled about it all, because (and I know from experience) it just doesn’t end. Try to breathe deep and turn away.
2. Breast vs. bottle is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to mommy wars, which I wish would stop already. People are incredibly rude when it comes to decisions you will make for your family. It flabbergasts me every day the smite people say/post online. Again: deep breathing.
3. Breast feeding is hard, but stick it out! You can do it. And if you have to supplement with formula, no one will be harmed. I BF’ed my girls with supplementation; The Boy is formula fed (latching problems). Everyone had/has ear infections, so I’m pretty sure I could have fed them unicorn milk and starlight, and they still would have had ear infections.
4. Deep breaths.
Hiya, Red Pen Mama! Thanks for stopping by!
“Unicorn milk and starlight”! I don’t know when, and I don’t know how, but one day soon, I’m going to find a reason to use that.
KELLY,ITS YOUR BREAST AND YALLS BABY!IF YOU WANT TO BREAST FEED AND IT WORKS GO FOR IT!OTHERWISE BOTTLE FEED AND TELL EVERY ONE ELSE WHO HAS NEAGIVITY TELL THEM TO SHUSH UP! LOVE YALL SO EXITED!TERRY
You’re so sweet, Aunt Terry! Love you so much!